new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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