I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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