so that wasnt chicken after all
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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