Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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