So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
