my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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