Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
