So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
