I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
