the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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