you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
