So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
