Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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