i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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