Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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