I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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