i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
