They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
