Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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