why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
