grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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