You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
