so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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