He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara