Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.