farters have to be the big spoon...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.