Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
