I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.