I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
