I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
