i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
