i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
