the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
