the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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