unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
