I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
