How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drake has all the answers
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
