She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
whose parrot is this?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
