I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
