I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
