when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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