I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
