I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
