i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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