idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize