so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
