dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
