I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
