He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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