No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
