Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
