it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
