so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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