what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
