"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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