he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
