good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
