before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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