whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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