I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize