I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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