Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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