Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
