he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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