I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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