who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am one with the molecules
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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