Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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