Who wears a wallet chain?!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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