my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
