chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.