so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????