Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"