Texts From Last Night

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  (562): View more from California

  Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar

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  (562): Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar http://tfl.nu/ilql
  Replies (6) Good night (781) Bad night (2275)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

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  (503): I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties. http://tfl.nu/xw7t
  Replies (9) Good night (4825) Bad night (914)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

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  (605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn
  Replies (30) Good night (10536) Bad night (927)
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  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

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  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14660) Bad night (1289)
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  (408): View more from California

  he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."

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  (408): he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink." http://tfl.nu/8gq0
  Replies (25) Good night (3610) Bad night (6198)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.

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  (438): My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much. http://tfl.nu/ekca
  Replies (8) Good night (3321) Bad night (797)
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  (916): View more from California

  when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.

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  (916): when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas. http://tfl.nu/o5tw
  Replies (13) Good night (1064) Bad night (2911)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.

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  (860): could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper. http://tfl.nu/svv9
  Replies (12) Good night (1288) Bad night (2601)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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  (563): I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating. http://tfl.nu/5u43
  Replies (2) Good night (1148) Bad night (1325)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.

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  (613): He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time. http://tfl.nu/b5xq
  Replies (5) Good night (1143) Bad night (424)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull

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  (651): Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull http://tfl.nu/fvhw
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"

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  (314): She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!" http://tfl.nu/o6vj
  Replies (3) Good night (957) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made

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  (412): Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made http://tfl.nu/r5g2
  Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (215)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.

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  (250): He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird. http://tfl.nu/qn9s
  Replies (8) Good night (563) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.

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  (315): Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer. http://tfl.nu/5ks9
  Replies (2) Good night (444) Bad night (212)

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