I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner