All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.