this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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