despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
