Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
