Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have fence marks all over my body
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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