The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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